10 Steps to Solid Self Esteem – Vanquish that critical inner voice and discover how much easier and happier life is with healthy levels of self esteem
As part of our ‘New Year Kickstart' offer, 10 Steps to Solid Self Esteem Hypnosis Course is discounted until January 31st 2019
When Carla came for her last self esteem session with me, I asked her to look back on how she had felt before we started working together, and to put into words how she felt now. This is what she said…
“As a child I felt strange and different somehow from the people around me. I had the sense, not just that I wasn't ‘good enough', but that I never could be good enough – for anything, or anyone.
I'm not sure where this feeling came from, but it went on right into adulthood. I just felt inadequate. It infected my relationships, it affected my work life, it was like a dark cloud over everything.
When I think about what it was like to live like that, it was like I had this horrible harsh hag voice rattling on in my head, always belittling me, always scorning me, wrecking any chance I might have had of feeling confident, or any shred of pride I might take in anything.
If a relationship was going well this ‘voice' would keep telling me it was bound to end badly soon because, well, once they really got to know me, they wouldn't want to spend one single moment with me… ever again. So when relationships did end, I wasn't surprised, it was only to be expected, wasn't it?
When I look back, I can see that this insecurity, this deep sense of not being good enough as ‘me', ruined all kinds of opportunities for me. I always felt other women were so much cleverer, prettier, more talented, so much nicer than me.
I felt that I was somehow ‘wrong' or ‘bad' right at my very core. Worse, it seemed to me that other people could – or very soon would – be able to tell just what a crappy human being I was. Which meant I wasn't very comfortable around others.
When I did well at something – which did happen sometimes in spite of all this! – I would assume it must be down to ‘luck'. If people praised me, I was always sure that they were being ‘charitable', or putting it on.
All in all, I felt unworthy to even be in this world. It wasn't a great way to live. But now, now that I've done all this work, I've learned so much, and come to understand so much more about who I really am, and what genuine strengths and gifts I have – it's completely different!
I know how to nurture and encourage myself and get my real needs met.
I know how to stretch myself and become more capable. I know how to banish those overly critical thoughts. I know how to build genuine trusting relationships and deal with problems without falling apart. I know whose opinion to listen to, and who to disregard.
Now there is light at the end of the tunnel, a very bright light. I feel like I'm stepping out into a bright sunlit open landscape. I feel like I can at last value myself, and I don't mean just accept myself, but actually be pleased to be me!
I'm going to spend the rest of my time on this planet living, not just existing!
I can't believe how far I've come, in such a short time!
How low self esteem can affect your life
Over my 15 years as a therapist, I have treated thousands of people with self esteem problems, I've taught over 10,000 health professionals how to lift self esteem in others yet it still never fails to shock me just how huge an impact low self esteem can have on a life.
As Carla explained above, poor self esteem seeps into every corner of your life, making everything harder than it should be, and sucking the pleasure from life.
Whether it's relationships, your work, your social life, your emotional life, and the way you relate to yourself, poor self esteem colors everything.
The Lioness and her Reflection
Once there was a young lioness cub who became lost in the desert. So long did she wander through the desolate dryness that she even forgot she was a lion cub.
Truth to tell, she didn't know what she truly was, although she still had some vague idea that there might be some proud majestic but perhaps mythical creatures out there known as ‘lions'. But soon she had other worries.
Wandering under the unrelenting merciless heat, our lioness cub became increasingly, then desperately, thirsty. But a small helping of luck mingled with a sprinkle of fate brought her to a large cave in the rocks where she could at last shade herself from the sun's blistering rays.
As it happened, deep within this cave lay a cool pool of life saving, thirst quenching, lip-smackingly delicious water. Our young lioness couldn't believe her luck, and was about to dive headlong into the sparkling pool when she noticed something scary…
Staring back up at her from the water was the most magnificent, dignified, strong, clever-looking, awesome… could it be? Yes, it was! She had come face to face with a mythical lioness!
So they were real! Not just something she had dreamed up!
Of course, she had no idea that it was nothing less than her own reflection that had brought her up short. Awestruck and fearful, she backed off hastily.
“How can I, lowly creature that I am, get past that proud beautiful creature, the great guardian surely of the very waters of life?”
She padded around the cave not knowing what to do, her throat becoming drier and her whole body dehydrating further by the second. And each time she peered into the pool, there she was again! That magnificent creature staring up at her!
Finally, her truly desperate need gave her courage. No matter what the apparent risk, she had to drink. So she took a deep breath plunged into the pool.
And of course, there was no other lioness waiting for her. Or rather, the lioness of the pool was she herself. She drank her fill and was saved.
And that is how the young lioness came to know her true nature.
Remove the Fear and Embrace Life
I believe that low self esteem blocks us from knowing who we are and what we are meant to be doing. When you are constantly worrying about what others think, trying to avoid making mistakes and full of anxiety about your own self worth, you can't possibly be in touch with the more subtle drives that steer you on your life path.
The Single Biggest Mistake People Make About Low Self Esteem
“You just have to think more positively!”
Have you ever heard that? I'm guessing you have, either from others, self help books, or from yourself.
The trouble is, this is like trying to make your car change direction by steering the back wheels.
What drives low self esteem, and the thoughts that go with it, is emotion.
And when the emotion changes, the thoughts change.
That's how I helped Carla, and the thousands of others I have helped with low self esteem, and that's how I am going to help you.
So How Do You Change Emotions?
So we know that lots of reading and thinking doesn't work, no matter how hard you try.
What we need to change is old conditioned responses that are driving negative emotions in you.
And that is why I use hypnosis.
When I'm training therapists, many of them don't know how to use hypnosis. But once they see how how respectful, gentle and natural it is, they want to know all about it.
How you Were Hypnotized Into Low Self Esteem
The conditioning that causes negative emotions and thoughts about ourselves happened when you were younger. It could have been long term criticism from a parent, a one-off comment from a teacher at a vulnerable moment, an anxious period of your life when you didn't feel you had enough support.
The cause is really less important than the fact that any one of these experiences can lead to feelings of poor self esteem through strong focus. You learn very quickly and deeply in this state (particularly when you are a child) because it is hypnotic.
Which is why hypnosis is the natural way to quickly undo that learning, so you are free to be yourself.
How this Course Works
Each step on this course tackles a different aspect of identity and self image in detail, with lots of thought provoking information and tried and tested exercises to help you:
- understand what shapes your view of yourself
- discover how to break out of the imprisoning bias of low self esteem
- realize your true potential.
But this course is not just a mine of interesting theoretical information. It's about helping you make really fundamental changes within yourself.
So each step includes a carefully selected audio hypnosis session designed to help you more easily absorb and integrate powerful new behavior patterns and helpful mental attitudes.
This is how the 'emotional update' you need happens.
This is how it will come to feel completely natural to you, in your very bones, to automatically feel, think and act as a person who knows and values their own true worth.
And far from having to strive obsessively to remember every little thing we'll talk about on this course, you can relax and absorb the material over time, making it as naturally and deeply yours as your mother tongue that you learned to speak so fluently without even realizing that this was what you were doing.
What are the 10 Steps to Solid Self Esteem?
1) Building Self Esteem
Stop underestimating yourself and start being fairer on yourself and have more confidence in your abilities. Learn to use your wings and fly!
2) Feel Attractive
Be more relaxed and confident about your appearance and attractiveness – feel flirty and loving towards that person in the mirror. Stop imagining the worst by taking control of your imagination.
3) Stop Self Blame
Discover where the real limits for responsibility are and understand the difference between control and influence. It's not your fault!
4) Overcoming an Inferiority Complex
Eradicate the feeling you're not as good as others and stop sabotaging yourself.
5) Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Develop your own standards to live by, and allow yourself and those around you to feel awesome.
6) Stop Seeking Approval
You are your best judge, so trust yourself to do it ‘right' and stop seeking permission or approval from others.
7) Overcoming Insecurity
Hypnotically create an improved self image, and teach your imagination to work constructively for you, instead of against you.
8) Self Acceptance
Stop hoping and wishing you were someone else, and accept yourself for who you really are without feeling guilty or inadequate, and free yourself up for a brighter, fresher future.
9) Find Your Identity
There are so many options and choices in life, it's easy to lose yourself. Yet deep down, you know who you are and where you'd like to go. Find yourself and develop a strong identity.
10) Put Yourself First
It's not selfish to recognize you need time to yourself to relax, heal and put yourself at the top of your to-do list. Having ‘me time' and putting yourself first provides a solid foundation for a healthy, fulfilling life.
What do I get on the course, and what will I be doing?
We've gone through the 10 steps and you'll be beginning to get a flavor of how you'll be working on boosting your self esteem. But this stuff doesn't happen by magic, so here's the real world material you get with this course…
1) '10 Steps to Solid Self Esteem' ebook
When you purchase the course, you will get instant access to the supporting 155 page workbook. It takes you through every step, discussing the psychology of emotions, and gives tips, case studies and exercises to challenge destructive ways of thinking.
And once you've read the first chapter, and listened to that first audio session, the future will will start to feel very different indeed.
2) 10 Nurturing audio downloads to help you change
Each step in the 10 steps is supported by a specific audio download to provide a deeper, unconscious level of change and create new, more helpful patterns of behavior. The deeply relaxing audio allow you to take time out for yourself and recharge your mind and body, opening yourself to a more mindful place. All you have to do is tap play on your audio player, lay back, absorb and let your unconscious do the hard work.
3) Practical exercises
The ebook gives you the ‘head' knowledge and the audios give you the ‘heart' knowledge, helping you make emotional updates that change how you feel. To bring the heart and head together, we've included tried and tested exercises to tackle a different aspect of identity and self image in detail. These exercises will help you understand what shapes your view of yourself, discover how to break out of the imprisoning bias of low self esteem, and realize your true potential.
4) Progress checkers
Although there are 10 steps on this course, we recognize that there are many smaller steps to take on the journey towards building your self esteem.
To help you assess where you are on your journey, there is a progress checker for each of 10 steps. It couldn't be simpler – you rate yourself against some statements before you start, then rate yourself again at the end of the step, usually after about 7 days. Keeping tabs on yourself like this makes you more aware of even small improvements and helps you to stay committed. Yes, you have a long term goal of building your self esteem, but solid self esteem is based on gradual, steady, sustainable progress and not a single massive leap.
Low self esteem is ALWAYS a mis-perception.
If you really are as useless or terrible as you think you are, if this really is the unshakeable truth, then you don't have low self esteem. You are just being very accurate about yourself!
But in my experience of working with people with low self esteem, not one of them was as terrible as they thought they were. It's as if they were wearing distorting glasses, seeing themselves as being worse than they really were.
With this 10 Steps to Solid Self Esteem, you can cast away those glasses, and as you are grinding them under your heel, you can;
- start to see a distinction between the ‘good' and ‘bad' within
- be more tolerant of the ‘not so good'
- and inwardly encourage and nurture what is ‘good'.
As you work through the '10 Steps to Solid Self Esteem', you will find you;
- stop making sweeping and damning statements about yourself
- start to accept sincere compliments
- feel more comfortable being treated decently
- get out and enjoy social situations
- start to follow up opportunities and chase your dreams
- stop feeling judged
- feel happier in your ‘skin'
- feel less anxious and more relaxed generally.
- Take your first step towards building a healthy, happy self esteem today.
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